So yesterday I’m reading this blog about some so-called new dating rules that encourage men not to pursue women, but instead demand that women chase men.
The blogger was incensed. She was reminded of a former boyfriend, who assumed she wasn’t into him because she never called or texted him. She lets him have sex with her, so why should she have to, like, talk with him?
You might think she must be kidding. Maybe she’s pulling some sort of reversal of what men do to women when they fail to call after sex and claim that their intimacy is sign enough of their interest.
But I really don’t think she was kidding. For one thing, she’s a relationship expert who tweets advice about 8,000 times a day. I tried going back and rereading the blog post, just to be sure, but I couldn’t find it among her barrage of love advice. So, moving on…
The expert seemed legitimately baffled by the situation of her ex, but that being her only example of the “new rules,” I found myself baffled. Why would someone who is interested in someone else romantically not want to call or text that person?
I’m not saying these new rules don’t exist, and maybe she used a poor example of how the rules plunder traditional male/female interpersonal relations, but that’s kind of my point too.
Remember that scene from “Look Who’s Talking,” when John Travolta’s character James tricks Kirstie Alley’s date into acting like a jerk, and she’s all stunned by the bozo’s total lack of chivalry until he’s all “James told me how you like it when doors slam you in the face.” At first he was kind of threatened by the idea of a take-charge woman, but then decided he could get used to this whole not-trying thing.
I don’t think the rules of dating are changing — not based on my own experience or what I’ve seen. Real men are always going to want to protect their loved ones.
But equality means each partner makes an equal effort. If one partner isn’t as invested, no amount of “chasing” from the other partner is going to make a difference.
Maybe the men following these (*gasp!*) “new rules” finally noticed what women have been saying for decades: We’re all equal, and it’s about time we start acting like it.